Out of the Tunnel and into the Light

The last time I posted here I had just started 25 credits while working three part time jobs. I was entering a deep, dark tunnel and knew this would be one of the toughest seasons of my life so far. Thankfully my family and several of my friends knew this as well, and I am grateful for their encouragement when I was tired, patience as I learned to say no to several commitments, and care as I felt stretched in many ways. As with any hard journey, I shifted my priorities and there was a strange mix of sadness and freedom in shedding previous roles and responsibilities along the way. I found a replacement for my administrative job at my church, stopped substitute teaching and moved to a substitute role as a counselor at the Boys and Girls Club. Though it was hard to see some projects left undone, to say goodbye to students I had coached and taught, and lead one more day of activities for my 2-3rd graders, I was glad to have some time to focus on my coursework and tests-prereqs for grad school. Yesterday I completed two more final papers, attended a wedding, cooked dinner, read for fun, watched a movie and slept for eleven hours. I am out of the tunnel and into the light. Now I am drinking a Dragonstooth Stout, a birthday gift from a friend, listening to Muse and getting excited for grad school.

Many have said I am going from one tunnel into another, perhaps they are right. Yet even as I fight a cough and complete my required reading for tomorrow, I cannot help reflecting back on all God has brought me through and wonder at the timing, the context and the manner of his faithfulness. Having come this far, I feel as though I had received Frodo's light of earendil to guide me further on. That light is ancient yet vibrant. It beckons me to remember where I have been, to call out where I am, to dream where I will be. Specifically, I am moved to remember who God is and what He has done, to call out to Him daily, and to freely dream of what he will do and who he will make me to be. As I look towards a career in teaching high schoolers, it is freeing to know that my worth does not lie in lesson plans, in test results, or even in relationships. Seeds are sown yet I cannot control the seasons.

I have walked onto the UW campus three times: in middle school doing research for a science project, in college considering a MA in Urban History and last fall to interview for the Masters in Teaching program. Tomorrow morning I will walk on campus as a graduate student with much to offer and much more to learn. Though I have cleared my schedule and made space on my bookshelves I plan on learning as I always have-by living out and exercising what I learn in the context of real life, in real time and real relationships with all of the inherent mystery, complexity and risk. My light still shines and the journey is not done.