Thanksgiving-risks resulting in gratitude

I woke up this morning and was delighted to see snow falling, again. Kids in my youth group had prayed for snow Sunday night, I wonder how long they’ve played in it. Most of us after a few hours recognize the downside to a snow: icy roads, cold fingers, and our world becomes momentarily harder, smaller. The little kid in each of us often asks for things without considering what it will cost. We respond by believing some things are better to look at than enjoy. We’d rather watch from the window than go out to build a snow fort, or observe an attractive person instead of engaging with them, or talk about our desires and dreams rather than pursuing them. For me, I do this because I hate risks, the unknown, the lack of control. I’m flexible and adaptive but that is just because I quickly analyze, reason and access a situation and make a Plan B, C, D…actually executing ideas though risks remain is hard, trusting others is even harder. This past year I am thankful for all the ways I have been blessed by leaning on God and other people, reminding me to let go and enjoy life instead of managing it.

A year ago, I was with family in Colorado after a funeral (a hard reality check on not having control) and over our Thanksgiving preparations and meal I shared my dream of being a teacher with different family members. I hesitated to because it was still a dream, a thought, a desire-I was not in fact a teacher. But I invited them into the journey, the long road between hope and reality. Though I have pursued dreams before, this was a rare time that I felt the support of God and others to be free to admit both the joys and trials that would come. I looked at grad schools last spring and was immediately struck by all the letters, prerequisite classes, and exams I’d need to complete before even applying. I walked away from the UW campus in late May overwhelmed as I tried thinking through how I was going to take 6 classes, have a 60hr high school observation, take 2 exams and complete the application paperwork by October while I was currently juggling work as a youth leader, church administrator and after school counselor. I did what most people would have done much earlier-I prayed. Like a child, I shared my dream with God my Father, surrendering control while committing to trust Him and do my best to take the steps as he led.

There were many obstacles that God cleared away and some that he didn’t. I had to stay close to him as my faith was stretched. I had to learn to say no, to deal with not giving 100% in everything, to not being understood; I stumbled and leaned on others. My dream was not my own, others chose to enter in. Six months later I have applied to the UW Masters in Teaching program and await my final interview next week. Even in making plans based on acceptance or rejection I have to trust God-taking 25 credits from 3 colleges in the Winter Quarter while working or looking elsewhere for grad work. The door could have closed earlier, but as long as it is open I’ll keep walking.

Rather than simply stretching my faith, God is stretching me to enjoy who he has made me, to enjoy relationships and the world around me. He wants me to lift my head occasionally and reflect on how far he has brought me, on his many blessings: a place to live, a car, friends, a church, a loving family, a job. What I love about snow days in Seattle is that everything slows down, I can’t be as efficient and others encourage me to enjoy the God-given break from routines.

In doing homework, finding classes, going to work, and making plans, days like today remind me that running in the snow to a coffee shop, watching a movie, and cooking with friends, was a good idea, and just as important to being human. In fact, they are better because they drive me to community, provide space to enjoy the humanity of myself and others, and force me to evaluate who I am, what I am doing/being and why. Thanksgiving reminds me of the expulsive power of joy, courage and humility that comes from taking risks to be more human by not managing or simply dreaming but living together: to pursue and receive, to share and invite, to believe order comes through freedom, to get lost in the wonder of the gift and Giver of life.