Thanksgiving-risks resulting in gratitude

I woke up this morning and was delighted to see snow falling, again. Kids in my youth group had prayed for snow Sunday night, I wonder how long they’ve played in it. Most of us after a few hours recognize the downside to a snow: icy roads, cold fingers, and our world becomes momentarily harder, smaller. The little kid in each of us often asks for things without considering what it will cost. We respond by believing some things are better to look at than enjoy. We’d rather watch from the window than go out to build a snow fort, or observe an attractive person instead of engaging with them, or talk about our desires and dreams rather than pursuing them. For me, I do this because I hate risks, the unknown, the lack of control. I’m flexible and adaptive but that is just because I quickly analyze, reason and access a situation and make a Plan B, C, D…actually executing ideas though risks remain is hard, trusting others is even harder. This past year I am thankful for all the ways I have been blessed by leaning on God and other people, reminding me to let go and enjoy life instead of managing it.

A year ago, I was with family in Colorado after a funeral (a hard reality check on not having control) and over our Thanksgiving preparations and meal I shared my dream of being a teacher with different family members. I hesitated to because it was still a dream, a thought, a desire-I was not in fact a teacher. But I invited them into the journey, the long road between hope and reality. Though I have pursued dreams before, this was a rare time that I felt the support of God and others to be free to admit both the joys and trials that would come. I looked at grad schools last spring and was immediately struck by all the letters, prerequisite classes, and exams I’d need to complete before even applying. I walked away from the UW campus in late May overwhelmed as I tried thinking through how I was going to take 6 classes, have a 60hr high school observation, take 2 exams and complete the application paperwork by October while I was currently juggling work as a youth leader, church administrator and after school counselor. I did what most people would have done much earlier-I prayed. Like a child, I shared my dream with God my Father, surrendering control while committing to trust Him and do my best to take the steps as he led.

There were many obstacles that God cleared away and some that he didn’t. I had to stay close to him as my faith was stretched. I had to learn to say no, to deal with not giving 100% in everything, to not being understood; I stumbled and leaned on others. My dream was not my own, others chose to enter in. Six months later I have applied to the UW Masters in Teaching program and await my final interview next week. Even in making plans based on acceptance or rejection I have to trust God-taking 25 credits from 3 colleges in the Winter Quarter while working or looking elsewhere for grad work. The door could have closed earlier, but as long as it is open I’ll keep walking.

Rather than simply stretching my faith, God is stretching me to enjoy who he has made me, to enjoy relationships and the world around me. He wants me to lift my head occasionally and reflect on how far he has brought me, on his many blessings: a place to live, a car, friends, a church, a loving family, a job. What I love about snow days in Seattle is that everything slows down, I can’t be as efficient and others encourage me to enjoy the God-given break from routines.

In doing homework, finding classes, going to work, and making plans, days like today remind me that running in the snow to a coffee shop, watching a movie, and cooking with friends, was a good idea, and just as important to being human. In fact, they are better because they drive me to community, provide space to enjoy the humanity of myself and others, and force me to evaluate who I am, what I am doing/being and why. Thanksgiving reminds me of the expulsive power of joy, courage and humility that comes from taking risks to be more human by not managing or simply dreaming but living together: to pursue and receive, to share and invite, to believe order comes through freedom, to get lost in the wonder of the gift and Giver of life.

A few short days in Paris

Just when my dream of returning to London for a holiday was becoming a reality, my brother Nate's hope of going to Europe came true. He was asked to come out to work in Germany for the month of June, which was convenient due to that being the end of his work contract at Cal-State Fullerton and also due to having a German girlfriend. He didn't know how long he'd be in Germany but we thought it'd be nice to meet up somewhere midway. Paris was the place!

He had been traveling for a few weeks around Sweden, Finland, Italy and Greece and was more than a little maxed out on seeing things. Neither of us had been to Paris. It was his last stop before going home and a few hours from London by train for me.

I arrived before him and settled in at the Hotel Petit de Louvre near the Eiffel Tower. I cleaned up, bought some fresh bread and cheese and met some college friends beneath the Tower. They had been to Paris before and gave great suggestions on places to go. I walked down the Champ

de Mars, through the Hotel des Invalides, past the Grand Palais, down the Champs E'yses, around the Arc de Triomphe, to Victor hugo's house and finally to Rafael's Hotel to meet Nate. He, his friend and I walked to the Latin Quarter for dinner and ate in the square of St. Germain. I had mozzarella cheese with basil leaves and tomato, a tender piece of lamb, along with champagne and wine. It was a beautiful place but I was a disappointed to hear American music being played while eating-I would have preferred a more French ambiance. It was an amazing dinner, I feel horrible for not having the vocabulary to describe it.

I joined Nate and his friend for breakfast but the rest of the time it was just Nate and I. After moving his luggage to my place, we went to the Basilque de Sacre Caeur on a steep hill overlooking Paris. There were pathways 180 degrees around it, with shops and parks and crowds of couples-reminding us that Paris isn't a normal place for brothers to meet up. We walked to Notre Dame, dropped in the Shakespeare Book Company, and ate dinner off Mabillon in the Latin Quarter, which was almost completely empty! Evidently most citizens of Paris were on vacation.

We walked to Rue Cler and had crepes for breakfast, banana & nutella:) The market was actually anticlimactic after all that I had heard and read about it from chefs-wrong season I guess. From there we went to the Louvre, to which Nate responded, "What? a museum Ben, seriously?" When he walked in, he began to realize its significance but still declared "Going to a museum with you is like going shopping with Stephanie" (his girlfriend). The Louvre was immense and overwhelming but lacked the diversity and clarity of the Vatican Museums in Rome. After 2.5hrs, my senses had hit "overload" and we went down to the Jardin du Luxembourg, which was larger than I expected. I told Nate he could choose a place for lunch since I had taken so long at the museum, assuming he'd soak up the opportunity to have good French food. Instead, the moment he saw someone eating McDonalds, he rushed over and found out where the store was. So in my final hours in Paris I sat at a window with a McFlurry and Spicy Chicken Burger, not what I expected but definitely memorable!

random highlights:

-observing the high commitment to fashion everywhere, even a 60+yr old woman wearing 5in. wedges down the street

-making faces with children in the park or train, seeing the light in their eyes, speaking an intl language of humor

-preferring the steep, narrow, winding streets of Montmartre over the busy streets of central Paris

-soaking up the freedom of a holiday, being able to ask "what do I want to do today?"

-getting time with someone who knows me well

Holiday in London!

It had been a dream ever since I returned last year from London go back to visit, and I was able to go for eighteen days at the end of August! I wasn't sure how I'd feel going back: would people remember me? what is the neighborhood like? What would I do for fun? Who would I get to see? Life was full enough before going that these thoughts didn't plague me too much:)
While spending an extra day in Philly due to a mishap with the airlines, i studied for a test and got to know a football (soccer) coach from N. England-which helped the time pass. From the moment I saw my friends greet me at the Heathrow until I left, I felt warmly received and had an amazing time reconnecting with a place that had become home. I didn't miss the big city or tourist places, I missed relationships, so my highlights might seem small unless you know their depth:

1. the normalcy of seeing your old neighborhood
having my old CC, travel card (oyster), mobile and knowing the area made getting around much easier. I was dropped off for lunch at someone's house from the airport, walked into the charity shop I used to work at, ASHA and surprised the family working there, saw familiar faces, and was greeted on the street I used to live on with the shouts of boys calling out for me to play football with them. I stayed around Kenton with a neighboring Indian family, sharing meals and getting time with their son. I had several long conversations over tea, late nights with friends and dinners with families. The time flew by. After being gone almost a year it was comforting to know that the community that had become family to me was still there and still family in many ways despite the distance.
2.enjoying London with friends
I was able to take two boys to a Chelsea match. They had way more gear than me and their relentless chattering exhibited their enthusiasm. though Seattle has their own team now, their matches don't compare to those in the Premier League. I met a friend from high school who is working at a theatre in downtown London and she showed me around the backstage and introduced me to her coworkers. It is sweet to see someone pursue their dreams and trace how God opens up doors. Two high school students involved in the church plant New Life Suwarta Sangat were great as I played show and tell showing some of my favorite spots around the city. The Nottinghill Carnival was colorful, in more ways than one, and crowded but after hearing so much about it I am glad I went. After several full days of seeing people, it was nice to spend a few hours alone in Kew Gardens on an "Indian summer" day with rain pouring between sun breaks.















3. revisiting the ministries I was involved with
The building we were able to use rent free, Glebe Fellowship Hall, had been completely remodeled and our lease we had negotiated was finalized-which meant that I was visiting just before they were fully able to execute all their amazing ideas for using to host events and activities for the community. I was able to visit a few apprentices who were just starting program I had been a part of. It is exciting to keep up with them and hear how everything has developed since I was in their shoes.

4. an afternoon with the Irvines

Though my time with them was very short, it was sweet. The Irvine family with two kids and new baby in tow has just arrived a few days before I left and were the main family I got to know during my time in London. I got to wrestle, read, eat, and play with the kids and heard their stories and told my own of the past year. Reconnecting with kids does not happen easily and I was glad to find them so receptive to letting me back into their lives. The parents and I reflected on how easy and natural it felt for me to be there.

Overall I realized that despite the time and distance, I still have a community of friends in London that I can return to if/when a door opens in the future. But for now I remain in Seattle and begin my pursuit of a Masters in Teaching...another journey begins.