Dad's visit and a wedding

It has been almost a month since my last post, April seemed to fly by. Even with three part time jobs, my life can seem to fall into a routine. Routines give me the structure necessary for me to accomplish things but they also get repetitive. It was nice to have some refreshing trips away.

My dad came from Wyoming to visit me for a few days. Being one of four kids, this was the first time I ever had multiple days with just him-not having to share attention. It was fun to play show and tell in a sense-where I am living, where I am working, who my friends are, favorite places, etc. He had not been back since moving in the fall of 2007. Wyoming was definitely a culture shock coming from Seattle, and there was some shock in returning to "the big city". It was nice to not have plans but to decide things as the days progressed. We went up to the mts for a few days and he enjoyed seeing so much green! It was refreshing to share my life with him without being rushed.

The next weekend I left to a friend's wedding in Chattanooga, TN. The ceremony and reception was next to a lake/pond and despite the clouds and a brief shower, they held it outside. Weddings are about the only time I wear a suit, so my sister snagged the opportunity to get a picture with me, she was one of the bridesmaids. Besides getting to see the bride and groom, it was great to catch up with friends I had not seen in a while. Some of them I have known over seven years! Though each of us have had significant changes in our lives, we have enough in common to maintain our friendships. Serving as bartender allowed me to see more people than I otherwise would have. Despite all the prep and clean up, it actually was a relaxing day. And as with most weddings, it wasn't until the end that it sunk in "huh, I don't know when I'll see these friends again...". I soaked in the cool evening and smiled as i thought of my friends who were just married.
Sunday I visited Rock Creek Fellowship, the church I attended in college. It was the first place I saw the church as a welcoming but also broken and vulnerable family. I could be real with them, I could rest. I am grateful for that gift and for the now 7 yrs of their prayers and support. My favorite and most vivid memory is of having communion with them and singing together.
I stayed a few extra days to see my sister and brother in-law before they moved to North Carolina. They've been married almost 2 yrs and in the same area 7+ yrs. My sister finished up a paralegal program and he is ready for a change in work, so thankfully they have a summer to contemplate what the future might look like. It was sweet to have lazy mornings, to be around people who've known me longer than 6 months, to read in a hammock, to slow down.

It was weird to walk around my old college campus, to see renovations, new buildings, new fields, new faces. The students seemed so young. I had some friends who were graduating the next week who were freshmen when I had graduated. I enjoyed hearing their future plans while I reflected back on my final week in college three years ago. All transitions involve risk and create a mix of excitement and nervousness. It is a comfort to realize you are not alone in that tension.

It was refreshing to get away but responsibilities awaited me, and the Noise of life greeted me at the terminal. Vacations are committed, extended breaks from that Noise but they make me realize the need to create space in my daily routine for silence, for fellowship, for rest.

The Seattle Sounders...our loudest "wannabe European" outlet

The passion of Seattle Sounders' fans is still mind-boggling. Yes we finally have a generation of Seattlites with a love of, and money to support, football (soccer) but the earnestness to dialogue about it, to claim our very own football culture, the eagerness to say "football" and wave our scarves made me see that there is something much deeper motivating these fans than "love of the game"-it was the freedom, nay, the liberation of being able to loudly exclaim our love of something European. And through it, have a gateway to mention our love of everything European.
Even though I grew up in Seattle, it wasn't until the last few years that I realized how European Seattlites try to be. (I must admit though that the cultural diversity of White Center in the southern part of West Seattle where I lived age 5-17 didn't, and does not, exemplify this "wannabe European" trait). My story is a common Seattlite story: a love for culture and travel led me to explore and live in cities both nationally and internationally, even earning me the nickname "the nomad", only to find myself returning unexpectedly and finally coming to call Seattle and the Northwest "home". Like other Seattlites, my love for culture and travel remains, but if there is any city in the US that I feel good about being identified with and can boast about, Seattle is it. (Seattle's geography was the first thing I missed yet I admit that I am prone to highlight the amount of rain and overall dreary, depressing environment in the hope that its beauty remain a secret to deter the hoards of people flocking in.) There are many, many traits I could talk about that draw people to Seattle, but I merely want to highlight one: our "wannabe European" vibe.
I am not bashing this trait, but I find it curious considering how cosmopolitan we try to present ourselves, how unaware we are of any problems with this trait, and how pervasive it is. Only recently did Seattle lose its place as the whitest major city in America, replaced by Portland. The Washington Post wrote an interesting article about this development and what it means for both cities. I think most of Seattle does not recognize how white we are, and especially how culturally dominant the "white culture" is.
Seattle is the most European city I have been to in the States and we idealize Europe more than anyone, making it almost sound like a fairytale place. I hear this frequently from people who travel more than I do yet in returning from living in the UK for a year and traveling in Europe, I believe it more. Europe can do very little wrong in our eyes: clothing, art, cars, sports, food, drinks, music, politics, religion (lack thereof), education, economics, etc. Chief among the problems in this trait is that few of us recognize how difficult it is even for Europeans to agree on defining what "European" is. One need only look at issues within the European Union the last few years to see this. Yes there are some key similarities, but the differences bring mess and conflict- realities that mar this fairytale place.
This "wannabe European" trait is pervasive. I walked downtown Saturday morning and noticed a few things (I didn't go out searching): the accents we choose to use in our advertisements, 4 Italian pizza chains claiming to be THE authentic Italian pizza place and I could not find any place fighting to be have the authentic Chicago-style pizza, European-style clothing and American apparel but little else, domestic or abroad, the pride and glory in being the birthplace of transplanting coffee culture to America, and FINALLY...our Seattle Sounders.

When the MLS began, Europe was the model and no city embraced this more whole-heartedly than Seattle-proved by our record breaking attendance, season ticket holders, and frankly, zeal. Rain or shine, we'll have seats filled with happy fans. In addition to what we own, drink, wear and say, we now can SHOUT about something European and somehow feel more hip, more cultured, more sophisticated, more internationally justified and aware. Whether we are at the match striving to be the hooligan we always hear about, or pounding back a pint at an Irish pub downtown, we feel connected to the world in a way that baseball, basketball, football, etc. can't provide.
As a student of history and culture, I believe there is much to be praised in widening our focus to include the world around us, but that world is bigger than simply Europe. Yes I admit that this trait is not exhaustive: Honda's are still popular, we proudly know the difference btwn food from Japan, China, Thailand, Korea, and we are of one of few cities that has retained a hippie community (not just the wannabe type).
This "wannabe European" trait makes me wonder: why do we strive for this so much? What does it offer us? What do we forfeit by losing it?

Sat game: frustrating to watch but not boring. Freddy M. seemed lazy, again, and we only had 2 shots on goal but I joined in the exhuberance when Mike Fucito came off the reserve the final 5 minutes and scored in stoppage time! It happened so quick on the throw-in that few actually saw or expected it. I was glad to see it, relieved mostly. Fucito's story is a good read. We need to be playing better.

Fun at the Club

I have been working at the Ballard Boys and Girls Club for almost four months and have loved it. There are two other counselors with me leading the "Fish", 30 2-3rd graders, and I am only there in the afternoons. After working at an office in the morning, it is a nice shift to being around the kids, organizing activities, playing games, cooking dishes, teaching crafts, etc. Of course with kids there is also the occasional mess, whining, disobedience, but by in large they are a great group and I've had fun getting to know them all.
Entering the world of an 8yr is interesting. Their world can be shattered if someone takes the last yellow lincoln log or completely restored if the gym is suddenly open to play in. Social interaction brings all sorts of conflict-potential into the room when you have such a large mix of kids. Some are the oldest, some the youngest, others in the middle, and some have no siblings at all. Friendships are defended and displayed in unusual ways. By giving them optional activities and reminding them of the resposibility each entails, they are learning that the world doesn't revolve around them, that they don't always get their way, that their actions have consequences, and also that they have more fun when things are structured, that having friends who encourage is better than ones who make fun of you, that it is safer to take risks when you have the freedom to fail. Their world may seem simple to adults, but to them it is overwhelming complex at times.

Our room and club is equipped for structured, fun activity. In our room we have a shelf of books and board games, boxes of legos, cards, lincoln logs, blocks, paper, pens, colored pencils, and more. Each month we change the decorations together and think of the "Question of the Month". Every day we have group time to share stories from the day and hear our activity options. They get to go outside, use the gym, work on the computers, study with other students. There is a routine for what we do and when and where it is done. BUT when the kids are on school break, like last week-it all changes. We have field trips to parks, the zoo, go bowling, mini-golf, swimming...with a ton more time to do it! I just wanted to highlight two things from last week.
1. Ballard Boys and Girls Club-lego editionFor my entire time at the club, all the kids have been obssessed with lincoln logs. They would have lincoln log wars, forts, competitions endlessly. I was curious how long this would last! I was surprised last week when I came in and saw three boxes of legos and eight kids building anything that came to their mind. A few of them started building a structure and came up with the idea of making the BBGC out of legos! Each day they added new parts to it. I had not picked up legos in years and felt like a little kid again helping them find pieces and brainstorm where each should go. The final result looked like this, though no camera angle could do justice. We are all pretty proud of it, though it is incomplete.
2. Ironman Fan
One of the boys in my group loves robots, and anything associated with them. So he pretty much adores Ironman and he and his friend decided to build an Ironman suit over the break. To motivate them to finish, I told them that if they did complete it all, then I'd grow and shave my facial hair like the real Ironman! Their eyes got big and they immediately started drawing out plans. They were limited on materials and not allowed to weld yet, so cardboard had to suffice. He couldn't bring it into the club from his house so I needed a detailed description and his mom's testimony before I committed to the goatee but they did it. I continue to enjoy being at the club because it is always an adventure and growing place for both kids and counselors.

Lock-in

A few weeks ago I led my first lock-in with the youth group of CrossPoint Churches. I honestly wasn't sure how it would go, especially since I was the only chaperone who would be there the whole time! What do you do in a lock-in? I reflected back on ones I went to when I was a teenager, and hoped that this night wouldn't be as crazy. The kids came around 8pm. After an icebreaker and setting the rules for the night, I had them put their cell phones on a bin and we kept them there the whole night-surprisingly most the kids actually thought it was a great idea! I planned on staying up all night, and they were welcome to but I gave them the speech about discerning whether to do so considering their commitments the next day, health, etc. The last time I remember boasting about how late I stayed up I was in middle school. Somewhere in high school I became overcommitted enough to treasure every minute of sleep I could get and was content to let people win the “game” of staying up the longest.
When you aren't doing assignments or preparing for exams, all-nighters can be fun so I made sure I had plenty of activities planned and was curious to try them out with the group. We didn't have time for them all. After a few hours of games, snacks and sundaes, “Follow the Guard” was the chosen favorite activity. Probably the funniest moment for me that night was around 1am when I asked if they wanted to watch a movie and they quickly yelled “No! We'll fall asleep!” I liked the honesty.
I had been up since 6:30am Friday and around 3am Saturday I was glad to see that most of the kids had fallen asleep already. I had chosen not to have any caffeine so I wasn't sure how I'd last. Apples to Apples and other small games kept the few remaining kids entertained and I was entertained watching them. They fought off “long blinks” and claimed they were merely “resting their eyes” for minutes at a time:) The night had been cold and clear, which made for a wondeful sunrise at Green Lake, so I brought them down around 7am. They started making pancakes when they returned, which was hilarious to watch. I made some scrambled eggs and prepared fruit and drinks. We ate around 8:00, or rather grazed. After so much sugar from junk food the night prior, some people had upset stomachs. We had way too many pancakes. People were just awake enough to help me clean, but not awake enough to argue about it-which was perfect. Everything was cleaned and put away by 9:30, leaving time for some to flop back on the floor and sleep. We had survived our first lock-in, but unlike when I was a teenager, I couldn't go home and sleep the rest of the day...
I had some other work to do that day, errands to run and a party to prepare for at my place-probably not the smartest decision after an all-nighter. Around 4pm I was fading quickly and crashed for about 2 hours before preparing the barbeque. I didn't have a lot of social energy, so I was relieved that only 10 were in our house at one time through the night. The party was over at 1am, I went to sleep at 1:30 and was up at 9:00, so thankfully I had Monday morning free to finally catch up on sleep. Was the lock-in worth it? Yes, but I won't make a habit of it-I love sleep too much.

A Birthday Vacation in LA

My birthday, March 9th, was an intense, chaotic and hectic day. It was an emotional rollercoaster: calls from friends in London, transitions and drama with my 3 part time jobs, friend's emergencies, car problems, planning events, making decisions and having little flexibility to get things done. I rarely get stressed out, largely because I manage things and adapt well but that whole week, all the way up to walking on the plane Thursday night to LA I was admittedly stressed. It was a foreign feeling, and it took a while to name it but when I let out a sigh on the plane, I realized I was ready for a holiday. And there is no one better I know to help me enjoy life than my brother Nate.

He has been in LA for four years now and calls it home. We had a loose schedule. I mainly wanted to relax, see his friends, explore the city a little and go surfing at least once. After arriving, I spent the next 2.5 hrs in LA traffic; not the best start. He works at a college supervising students, which he does well at but at 25 he is ready to move out of the college scene. After being a nomad myself, it was nice to be around someone who has known me so long-he is my triplet after all! We went to his friend's house in Beverly Hills and I had a few glasses of the best wine I've ever tasted:) His friend greeted me with a sentence I would hear often that week"So you're Ben, Nate has told me so much about you". I wasn't sure whether to feel honored or worried by that introduction...thankfully I have a good brother who doesn't make me look bad in order to make himself look better.

We went to Six Flags! It had been over a decade since I had been at a theme park and I felt like a little kid again excited to go on rollercoasters and feel a strange attraction to testing my fears. Exchange students joined us from the university who were from Germany and Hungary, so their stories kept us entertained while waiting in the lines. The rollercoasters made me feel like a child's toy-i remember as a kid making all sorts of rides and courses for my lego men and spinning them around and around different directions. I definitely felt a rush at times!

The next morning we woke up early, walked out the door, grabbed our boards and walked down to the water. As I strapped my leash and ran into the water I realized it had been years since I was surfing. I call myself a paddler, not a surfer because I am a beginner and spend more time paddling than actually riding the waves. I'd rather be honest about my inexperience-at least it decreases the humiliation of missing a wave. The breaks were only 2-3 ft but it was enough to get up on my longboard. It was a joy to see dolphins only 15 feet from me. They are large animals and I felt kind of helpless on my little board floating waiting for a wave. It was a perfect day, and I was soaking in the morning sunshine. I stayed out in the water until I literally could not paddle anymore because my hands were too cold to close my fingers together.

My last night there we went to West Hollywood and ate at Dan Tana's Restaurant on Santa Monica Blvd. I quickly saw that it was a Hollywood hangout and when I heard it opened in the 60s, I knew the food must be amazing. I savoured their mozzarella marinara and linguini clams over the next hour with glasses of wine. I felt spoiled!

My last day I enjoyed having a slow morning, making coffee and going for a walk in the sunshine. I had to fight off the thoughts of all that i'd need to do when I returned that night. I was slipping away from the "holiday zone"! Jumping in the pool, playing basketball and lifting weights the next few hours kept those thoughts at bay. On my flight home, I was grateful for the silence, to soak in the final hours of my holiday. My birthday vacation was over, and it could not have come at a better time.

The Impact of Cross-Cultural Experience (Part 2)

Sorry to delay the continued thought on this. I had finished by talking about the power of the gospel to unite different people and culture and tranform them into unique, strong, and honest communities. I believe this happens because this "good news", that Jesus died to save sinners, challenges and affirms aspects of every person and every culture. The fact that God claims that the fullest display of his power and glory is shown at the cross, what is meant to show utter shame and defeat-God restores what is broken by paying the cost himself. Since Adam's rebellion, no one is utterly evil but are marred, we all are like shattered ruins which hint towards a former glory, giving us a glimpse at what was and a peak into what will be. The power and wonder of the cross, that "God so loved that world that he gave his only son that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life", reveals God's commitment to his creation, those made in his image. That story of a covenant, a faithful passion for His people, captures us in such a way that others are drawn not to simply a system of beliefs and moral codes but drawn to feel more human, not less, more whole and complete, not disillusioned and fragile. When considering the diversity of cultures and beliefs, the gospel becomes more beautiful and meaningful, not less. We all have faith in something, somewhere to find worth, guidance, peace, and joy. We long to be known yet fear full disclosure. It is intimidating yet freeing to be welcome as humans-frail, tattered yet hopeful-in his presence. I am so glad that we did not have to earn our way to Him or go find Him but rather he came to us and defying all rationality he chose to come in such a common way that some people missed him completely. His normalcy, his humanness was as staggering as His glory. He valued relationships becoming subject to time and space for our sake. Living and learning cross-culturally has shown me the weight given by God accomodating us in such a drastic way and the joy in seeing myself and others transformed and shaped slowly as a result into the "true adam" as restored image-bearers of God.

The Impact of Cross-Cultural Experience (Part 1)

As I met with parents of the youth group at my church for an informal “get to know you” night, I was asked a particular question that caught me off guard: “how has your interest and pursuit of understanding and engaging cross-culturally shaped you?” I was not sure how to answer. It was seven years ago that I first decided to study religion and history in order to do community development, to “understand” culture instead of having a goal to simply “appreciate” it as anthropology or many religion programs would. But what kind of journey have I had since that decision? Where has that path led? What have I learned and am still learning?
I was tongue tied for a minute, mulling the question over in my head searching for an answer-an answer that was concise, believable, yet authentic. I had none b/c like culture, my answer had to have a context, a framework, color and nuance. Yes I have changed the last seven years and have learned much but I also see how much I have yet to learn. These are all very general areas but they are what came to mind:
1. Culture is complex
You don't need to go to another country to be confronted with a different culture. Surfers are sometimes described in Nebraska like some of us describe a third-world culture! Seeing, recognizing and learning to love the differences in your community is hard. Going from White Center in West Seattle (almost everything but white racially to those who know it) to a largely white Christian high school was cross-cultural, with all the vocabulary, behavioral mores, tensions, questions, risks, acclamation and critique of going to another country. Going from that school to Lookout Mountain, GA (the south) for college was another cross-cultural experience. I worked one summer in St. Louis, with one of the highest home owning immigrant communities in the country, for an inner city youth development program,. I also helped with a youth group 20 min away in white suburbia. It was two different worlds separated by a highway (sort of like Fitzgerald's portrayal of the area between New York and West Egg in The Great Gatsby). In some ways it was easier for me to go to Uganda and relate with the village community there than it would have been to engage with the deaf community outside my own house in the US. Living in and visiting cities around the country made me realize how quickly we create cultures and subcultures, largely to define ourselves better in light of others. Even in a world class city like London where you'd imagine a melting pot experience to be common, living with the Indian community 30 min outside London and riding my cycle to central London was immensely cross-cultural! And now, living in/near the Central District and working primarily in Green Lake and further west in Ballard I see and feel like I pass through markedly different communities.
2. We connect as humans not by avoiding hard questions but by asking them
Avoiding the hard questions is a disfavor to others, in fact it is quite lazy though it seems “kind”. Asking my host family in Mexico why I got to sleep on the only bed in the house taught me much about their culture, hospitality and contentment. Asking the finance minister of Uganda how he handles the weight of civil war and economic disaster was hard, but it revealed his heart-as he spoke of Jesus' love for him even as tears came down his cheek recounting the struggles of living out that faith in a broken world. Asking a suburban youth what he wants for his birthday but knows he can't receive -parents who work less and love him more-revealed how poverty is not simply economic. Asking a second generation Indian immigrant in London how he felt about his future-fearful, weary and anxious-revealed a man caught between two cultures struggling to love one while paving his way in another. Asking hard questions connects us because at our core we are amazingly similar. How someone asks those questions matters because only when you feel cherished do you trust someone fully and see grace and hope as a gift can. And then they, despite their circumstances, are both challenged and comforted by being part of something bigger, more complex and beautiful than they fully know. Friendship, humble yet intentional fellowship, breaks past systems and structures to our deepest hopes and fears, doubts and dreams, which is both scary and remarkably comforting.
Food for thought: Christians were first called that name by the Romans in Antioch b/c they could not be categorized. For their own safety, the Romans had to segregate those they ruled from each other but since Christians came from all sorts of racial, economic and cultural backgrounds, they didn't know what unified them other than believing Christ, hence “Christians”. Read any history of Rome or any portion of the Bible and you'll see that combining people with differences into one group is messy and dangerous yet despite culture's complexity and life's hard questions, the group that emerges is stronger, not weaker. More on how that happens in the next post...